LIFEGUARD GRANNIES ARE NOT THE ANSWER TO THE POOL STAFF SHORTAGE

PLEASE DON'T SEND A 90-YEAR-OLD GRANDMA TO RESCUE ME IF I'M DROWNING, WRITES JAMES CULIC

My grandma was awesome. She baked the best apple pie you've ever tasted, she could solve the newspaper sudoku in mere minutes and she gave the best hugs.

But y'know what she wasn't so good at? Diving into a pool to rescue someone who is drowning, dragging them out of the water and performing life-saving CPR to resuscitate them. At least I assume she wasn't very good at it, I never actually saw her try, but given her general frailty, her glacially slow-walking pace and relative lack of strength, I can safely assume she would have been a pretty crummy lifeguard.

A few years ago, no one would have even considered the possibility of using older adults as lifeguards, but desperate times call for desperate measures it seems, and now cities are, apparently, ready to send in the lifeguard granny brigade.

According to the Lifesaving Society of Ontario, a group which organizes and trains lifeguards, there is a major shortage of certified lifeguards. We've seen the struggles here in Niagara, where municipalities and service groups are finding it increasingly difficult to hire lifeguards.

The culprit is, as with many of society's problems today, the pandemic. As the Lifesaving Society noted, getting certified as a lifeguard is not one of those things that made the transition to the digital realm during the pandemic. That boring work meeting with your HR manager about health and safety or whatever, sure, we managed to do that just fine over a Zoom call.

But learning to jump into a pool and rescue someone? That doesn't translate to the virtual world.

Which means we have this two-year gap where almost nobody got certified as a lifeguard in Ontario.

The provincial government is doing what it can to ease the shortage problem. As of last week, the legal minimum age for a lifeguard has been dropped to 15 from 16, in order to open up the ranks to a larger pool of prospects.

In a statement about the change, the Lifesaving Society applauded the decision to lower the age restriction and also noted there is no upper age limit for being a lifeguard. They encouraged municipalities to "get creative" and start recruiting older adults as lifeguards.

All due respect to the Lifesaving Society, who are doing very important work, but please, let's not go down this road.

Need someone to work the raffle booth at a charity event? Sure, hire an older adult. Walmart greeter? Older adult. Someone to shake their fists at teenagers and tell them to stay off their yard? Definitely a job for an older adult.

Our older adults perform a huge amount of valuable work that keeps the grand machines of society running smoothly. Anyone who's ever been to a polling station on election day knows that without them, lots of things simply wouldn't get done.

But let's not foist the burden of keeping our swimming areas safe by making them lifeguards. That's a job for bored teenagers. And given the shortage, I agree we need to "get creative" to bridge the gap. If by "get creative," you mean "just offer better wages."

This isn't rocket surgery, the answer is simple — give lifeguards what everyone wants: money. Lord knows we waste enough money on every other municipal position, just look at the Sunshine List for any city hall.

So instead of scratching our heads wondering why nobody wants to be a lifeguard for the few pennies we throw their way, let's try offering a decent wage and watch the applications pour in. Or, hire the seniors if you're really determined. But I'm pretty sure you're gonna need to then hire an entire second set of lifeguards to rescue the first ones.